My girlfriend Mary came last night from Hawaii.  She finally separated from her husband.  I have known them as a couple for over 45 years.  Tom was always grandiose but he had the vision, playfulness and creativity to pull it off.  One Christmas in Michigan they had a Dickens party where everyone came in costumes and there were horse drawn sleigh rides in the snow.

Mary and Tom moved to Hawaii and we visited them three times.  The last time, Tom seemed irritable, unrealistic, out of control buying and building – way over budget.  I still loved him but felt sad.  Mary said she was going to leave him.  I reached out to Tom but he wouldn’t communicate with me.

When Mary came tonight, she needed to talk about how the relationship disintegrated over time.  Mary was too passive to demand that things get worked out or set boundaries to protect her personality and self-esteem. Tom needed to be reeled in but Mary could not do it.  The relationship was making her miserable and probably Tom was too.  Sometimes things change.

“Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing.”  Helen Keller